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A Matter of Life and Death

“And I figure, if I want to save them, I should start somewhere. Start here. With my own ridiculous self.”

The Manifesto

I’ve always wanted to be able to honestly use this phrase, to have something so important, so vital, that it truly was a matter of life and death. That’s why we watch action movies and read fantasy novels, where people fight with swords and good wins over bad and that means, literally, that some people live and some die.

Instead my existence seems like a continuous series of trips to the grocery store: boring, stressful, expensive, and full of temptations to indulge in sweets over substance. shopping-cart-53797_1920

But then, when my depression feels most acute—when it reaches a sort of fever pitch—and I think these words, “I don’t know if I can bear it”—I miss those humdrum days. When I get to this pinnacle of pain, often without a particular instigating incident, I begin to think it truly is a matter of life and death. Because what are the options if…

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Letters to Colin Firth: A Book Launch

#colinfirth #letterstocolinfirth

The Manifesto

CF Cover for CreateSpace 12-9 233pmI wrote letters to Colin Firth because my ex-husband, the amazing writer Ira Sukrungruang, suggested I do so. I have a poem with Colin Firth’s name in the title in my first book, and when I read it at poetry readings, Ira would do a fake British accent that made him sound stupid and pretentious and say, “I’m Colin Firth,” and we would all laugh.

I wrote to Colin Firth because I was trying to do National Poetry Writing Month and I was having trouble coming up with a poem for every day of April. A series was easier.

I wrote to Colin Firth because he’s my longest-standing celebrity crush, because of the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, because there’s no way he could have done all the silly and serious movies he’s done—all while denying or re-embodying the role of Mr. Darcy—without being able to make…

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Apologizing for Existing

#depression #gratitude

The Manifesto

I’ve been a little paralyzed to write since the utterly unexpected popularity of my “Depression is a Trip” post. How do you follow something that seems to speak to so many people? And of course, depression tells us that we can’t, that any success was a fluke, that really we’re fakes, and the world will soon discover our deception and unmask us as the failures we are.

I wrote that post for myself, because metaphor helps me think, and for my husband, who wants to solve everything for me because he is an engineer and a man and he loves me. I wrote it because I couldn’t not write it.

All of which is, perhaps, an apologetic lead-up to this post. Which is exactly the point.

thanks-1025339_1920One of the most interesting comments on that other post was about apologizing. The commenter’s point was that people with depression should…

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Humility

It’s funny believing in humility

To see yourself as something significant, yet small

and being ok with that

 

And knowing that you will

in some ways

never know

 

Yet always strive to understand

 

-Diana Tan Domantay 03/01/2012