Category Archives: Self


I sent you words

that left my door

open to you


They were not easy

but they were




and sincere


And they carried

all of my vulnerability


their ink


They laid

dried upon

one sheet of paper


That I folded into

a crisp, white



Which is no longer in my sight


But will soon be

in your possession


For the same mysterious one

-Diana Tan Domantay 04/06/2012


I often wish

that lines

could blur


Or sometimes

not exist

at all


If only to allow

the idea of



To unravel itself


to admit


What it looks like

on days



The only thing

I really need

to see


Is the honesty

of a dirty face


And the foolishness

of  my own questions



-Diana Tan Domantay 04/08/2012




October 2007

I was losing myself


But only

parts of myself

that I believed

I did not require


I was losing the proof

of what I wanted

to no longer want


Mostly without knowing


And without feeling

any of its progress

change me


I was still shaped by

who I thought I was


But for some reason believed I could even escape that


If I let enough go


And became




-Diana Tan Domantay 03/29/2012

When I Was Called A Child


When I was called a child

I had certain parts of the person I am now


On sunny afternoons when school was out

I would lie on the couch underneath the window


Look out

and imagine all that I could do


Everything I would try to be


I would be spectacular

I didn’t believe in failure

or maybe I just did not know of it yet


When I was called a child

Say age 10

I lived in a home that defined “home”


I was surrounded by family and animals

My parents were there


I had both of them


In a house with not enough bedrooms for me and my 7 siblings

yet we lived in every inch of that house


Whenever I imagined the future

it was in that same house

with all of my family and the animals I kept as pets


And I always had both of my parents


We were all beings that never aged

but could if we wanted to


We could each decide the changes that occurred in our lives


And in my imagination

when I was called a child


I knew more and more of a happiness

and of a meaning to life

That maybe I just did not know of yet


But had already decided on


-Diana Tan Domantay 03/19/2012


I Used To

Something is happening to me. Internally, there is this change deepening.

I used to get sad a lot, unbearably sad. I used to cry a lot about the temporariness of life and of all of the things associated with life. I used to ponder over how fast everything moved and believed everything was fleeting. I would shed tears as if everything would change its mind and stay around forever instead (if it pitied me enough). I could only write to sort it all out. I could only write to speak to it.

I wanted to know the truth from every person I met. Thanks to my eagerness, I met many people. Luckily, most people were happy to share themselves and I received some rare, beautiful glimpses of the truth I had set out to understand. I miss those people. It’s not that they are gone. I just miss people and the moments I spend with them, though I no longer cry about this.

I used to desperately need people to love. I needed them to love more than I needed myself.

I used to spend my most favorite waking hours lost within this great appreciation of love for another and another. The more I felt, meant the more I was fulfilled. I realize now my own ability to love without details was a great force. But now, even more importantly, I realize how even greater those details can be. Still, I live and learn and love again as those things tend to happen.

I look back now and laugh at some of the ridiculousness of my own thinking. It’s true, I swooned only after finding out the best in another and another. but the longer and stronger I cared for populations beyond myself, suddenly I was the one who was empty. How did overpracticing an act that had always filled me up become what could conquer me?  I guess it was a slow becoming. Now I am finding acts to heal me, repair me to a new, better state of being.

Though through it all, I remember the times in which I would be the sole admirer of the best in another. I used to stubbornly defend what I knew to be true. I couldn’t help it. I had convinced myself. Strangely, those would be the times when I felt the least alone. Deep down I think that’s what I’ve always wanted the most.

It’s funny how your own certainty can make such pleasant company.

-Diana Tan Domantay 03/15/2012

A Way

I am simply lost


I admit this and

defiantly do not care enough

to defend it

in any



I know there is a way to be found

(although knowing is not the same as believing)


And I do not seem to be trying to get there


For once

I am lost and not searching

for a way

to get further from

right here


I will stay in this spot

while my mind goes running ahead

filled with the thoughts and

expectations of what will be

realized when

I am found


But the way it will come across

and itself find


those places that I wish myself to become a part of

experiences I want to one day own

the person I believe I will become


Will ensure its return to me

in a way suddenly

not so defiant

and not so lost



Inspired by “Shake It Out” by Florence + the Machine

-Diana Tan Domantay 02/29/2012

I Dream of Travel

In places where the weather is always



And the ocean never too



With areas always surrounded by

the voices that do not allow you

to feel



These will be the towns I will come to

know as



Where I will find myself fufilled

by the



Rather than wanting

to be



I will be



– Diana Tan Domantay 02/27/2012

Clearwater Beach, Photograph by John Domantay


I was so silly with you, man


You 23 year old (at the time) man

I told you I missed you when I had known you for less than a day


But if I had waited a moment longer

It just wouldn’t have been me


It was true though

I did miss you


And maybe that was why instead of laughing

You told me that it was okay


That it was natural for people to miss people sometimes


Then I smiled as if you had just granted me some eternal wisdom

and were lovingly accepting me


And were not just being nice to 21 year old (at the time) me


I was okay with you knowing that I was longing for you

And I guess so were you


Because we planned to see each other again soon


-Diana Tan Domantay 01/20/2012